Let go of resolutions: Ring in the New Year with intentions

Lindsay M. Adler, LMFT, CEDS, E-RYT 200

As the New Year approaches, you can’t get through an episode of your favorite TV show without being bombarded by commercials telling you that you need to look and feel better because you would be so much happier if you had 6-pack abs, could fit in size 4 jeans and ate like a rabbit.
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January rolls around and gyms get flooded with people, swearing they are going to lose the 10lbs they gained during the holiday (or whatever weight they might think is excessive). Also, people find new “cures” for their weight that promise them they will lose weight, and for good this time. 

Ugh…January…’tis the season of being told you aren’t good enough! 

These messages can lead to “New Year’s Resolutions”.  Today, I want to talk about how setting New Year’s resolutions can be unhelpful and sometimes unhealthy. I also want to share with you some alternatives to consider that can help you enter your New Year with health in mind. 

What is a Resolution?

First, let’s take a look at what resolution means in the terms of a New Year’s resolution. According to Dictionary.com, resolution in this context means, “[T]he act of resolving or determining upon an action, course of action, method, procedure, etc. A resolve; a decision or determination”. And, the Cambridge Dictionary defines resolutions as “a promise to yourself to do or to not do something”. Basically, resolution involves a determination to fix something. 

What is unhelpful about resolutions?

When we make a resolution, we are saying, “something is wrong and I need to fix it” and we also are saying, “I need to have enough determination and will power to change it”. Meaning, you have to be “strong enough” to fix the problem. What happens if someone isn’t as determined as another person might be, does that mean they fail? Or, are they considered a failure because they just don’t have the “willpower”? 

Resolutions come from a place of judgment and expectation. 

Often when people are making resolutions (as with most goals), they place a lot of their worth in what they are doing (and, inherently they would since it requires determination). When life gets stressful or busy, often it is difficult to stay on top of everything or remain completely determined to do something. We inevitably struggle; it is part of being human. When this happens, it is not uncommon for resolutions to fall under the radar. Let’s look at an example: 

Terri feels uncomfortable about her weight. She has been eating more than normal with all of the holiday parties and feels guilty about it. Terri sees all of her friends go to the gym and one friend told her about this new diet that helped her lose 10lbs fast. Terri says once the holiday is over she will “be good” and makes a New Year’s resolution to lose 30lbs. In January, she feels determined. She goes to the gym 6 days a week and has started this new diet. Terri is starting to feel “good” about herself. As February comes along, she notices she has less time to go to the gym. She also started to crave carbohydrates since the diet she is on tells her she can’t go over 15gms of carbohydrates a day. In March, Terri feels “a complete mess”.  She is not following her diet and barely attends the gym. Terri starts to feel worthless and ashamed that she can’t just “stick with it” when other people seem to. Terri thinks, “what is wrong with me?”. And, to top it off, Terri has gained weight. She feels like a “loser”.

This is a very common example of what many people face, so, if this story sounds familiar, you are not alone.

The fact is New Year’s resolutions often fail, and it doesn’t say anything about the person’s worth. Resolutions often do not work because the meaning behind a resolution is unhealthy in that it focuses on what is wrong.

Set intentions!

What do you do if resolutions do not work or are unhealthy? Set intentions.

I like to view intentions as we do in the yoga world. In yoga, an intention is also called sankalpa, a Sanskrit word meaning a vow from the heart. An intention is an aim that guides one to action evoked from the heart. Thus, intentions are guided and formed in congruence with someone’s values.

Also, according to Buddhist teachings, an intention provides a path focused on how you are “being” or engaging in the present moment. Intentions are based on understanding your values and making a commitment to align your actions with these inner values.
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Actions rooted with intentionality will help you create wise goals. Creating goals linked to your intention can help you achieve goals without judgement because they are connected to your values rather than being contingent on an outcome. Being grounded in intention is what provides integrity and unity in your life. Ideally, intentions are created so we can be congruent with our goals. Often times, we create suffering or stress for ourselves by setting goals that are not rooted with intention and thus, are attached to specific outcomes- such as with the example above. 

Intentions are more helpful

As stated above, intentions help you to be in alignment with your values. Also, as opposed to resolutions, intentions do not state there is something inherently wrong with you or something that needs to be solved. Thus, we can go into an intention without shame or guilt. Instead, we step into intentions with purpose and meaning—which often leads to a happier and healthier life

Intentions versus resolutions:

​Here is a list of common resolutions and their intention alternatives. 

Resolution	Intention
Lose weight	Be kind to my body and respond healthfully to my body Let go of judgments about my body Be gentle with my body and practice acceptance
Go to the gym/ exercise more	Listen to my body and respond accordingly Be open and receptive to joy when being active in my body Be present with movements and body sensations while being active in my body
Eat healthy	Practice mindfulness while eating and listen to my body Reduce judgments about food while nourishing my body
Start a new hobby and stick with it	Be open and receptive to something new

Hopefully this list will help spark ideas for your own intentions. As you approach the New Year, don’t give into our society’s views of what someone should or should not do. An idea is to come up with two or three intentions you want to carry with you throughout the year. Write these out and place them in an area you might review regularly (e.g., calendar, refrigerator, car, etc.). By reviewing your intentions regularly, it will help you work towards being present with your values throughout the day, week, month and year. I encourage you to dive into a place of meaning and purpose aligned with your values which is a more fruitful experience.