Social Media: A “managed state of being”

Lindsay Adler, LMFT, CEDS, E-RYT 200

What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Do you turn on your computer or phone and check to see how many people “liked” the new photo you posted of yourself eating a gourmet meal? Or wonder if that old friend from high school decided to “accept” your friend request?
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Think about it, how much time do you spend on Facebook a day? Five minutes? Ten minutes? Thirty? And, how much time do you spend consumed with social media interactions, whether concerned about how others might respond to your own posts or spending time engaged in conversations with others on Facebook? 

​Facebook reported in 2016 that people spend an average of 50 minutes a day on Facebook.

50 minutes! That is A LOT of time, and I imagine this number might be higher for many. It may not seem like a lot, but it shows we are spending just as much time on social media as we do on necessities such as eating and drinking, which take on average just over an hour of our time each day. Society is somewhat aware of the extensive amount of time spent on social media. This is why businesses often encourage you to “check in” or comment on their Facebook page.

Facebook’s report only included time actively signed in on your account. If you also consider the time spent taking pictures of things for social media, editing them, thinking about what your next post will be or wondering what a friend might be posting, then the time spent on social media activities is likely much higher.

So, knowing most Americans spend tons of time on social media, do you ever wonder what this type of communication might mean for us?

Social media is changing the way we communicate.

Throughout history, technology has changed the way we communicate with others. We went from writing letters, to telegrams, to telephone calls, to e-mails, to text messages and to video chatting. Today, people often spend more time text messaging than talking on the phone. Also, since we have so much information at our fingertips with the smartphone, we tend to see more people gazing down at their phones when spending time together, rather than looking at each other and chatting. Although we have learned to adapt to these changes, it is important to understand how technology may have changed the way we relate and communicate with each other.

​Today, we will specifically look at social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.).

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Social media has become a new and innovative way to connect, share ideas and express ourselves. Social media’s level of communication is unique in how it serves as a way to connect to a few, or hundreds, or even thousands of people in one quick swoop. It allows us to interact with people we might have never met and builds bridges in mutual relationships that would be much harder offline. For instance, I can easily comment on a friend’s post and that friend’s friend (whom I do not know) could comment on my post too. Then, we get to chatting, when likely it would be much harder to have such an experience offline (other than attending a party). Social media also allows us to see what thousands of people have to say about a specific topic at any given moment, which is much more difficult in face-to-face communication. Today, social media is almost unavoidable and hard to opt-out of due to many organizations such as schools, non-profits and businesses using social media as a platform to work on projects and network. 

When you think about it, social media’s level of communication is extremely extensive and shows a level of personal exposure like no other.

However, this is a computer-based medium that is completely self-controlled. Meaning, we are able to manage what, when and how we communicate with others. This means we can portray ourselves in whatever way we want. 

Let’s look at some of the ways we can “manage” our image via social media. We can: 

• Change photos of ourselves (through photo filters and editing programs). 
• Decide which photos of ourselves we would like others to see.
• Decide what information, thoughts, opinions and feelings we want to share with others and when. 
• Choose which people we want to be publicly associated with by who we ‘friend’ and what pages we ‘like’. 
• Choose who can and cannot see specific aspects of our page. 

​This level of impression management might be correlated to the fact that we can be more exposed through social media. Security and level of self-disclosure aside, lots of people will see what you decide post. Therefore, it might be easy to default into a desire to manage one’s image, but when is this decision healthy or problematic, and are we compromising authenticity? 

Can we manage this all in life outside of social media? Maybe, but likely it is much more difficult. It would be much harder to do this extensive level of managed self-portrayal in person…unless I am just the only one who doesn’t have the ability to airbrush myself every time I see someone in person.

A “managed state of being”

I call engaging in social media a “managed state of being”. By managed, it means you are in charge, deciding the details for others to see. You can expose as little or as much as you want. So, in the social media world, there will be people who do not hold back and are authentic. And, there will be those who do lots of editing. Each have their advantages and disadvantages. 

This is different from how we typically engage with others. Yes, we might wear make up, or we might make conscious decisions about what we share with others. But, in face-to-face interactions, are we managing our presentation to such a frequency and degree?

That is a question you would have to answer for yourself. Only you know to want degree you “manage” yourself in social media or in person.

Either way, it is important to know that what you see on social media is not necessarily the same as what you would see outside of the screen or in someone’s internal world.

Why is this important? 

When we think what we experience in the virtual world is the same as face-to-face interactions, we might find ourselves struggling with emotional distress when we see there is a difference in how people portray themselves. And, we might have a different understanding of how healthy relationships function. This is especially important for children and adolescents who are learning about social engagement. Children and adolescents are using social media more and more to interact with each other. If they fail to understand how others might be managing their image, they could end up getting mixed messages about themselves. For instance, they might believe everyone has flawless skin or has expensive weekend get-a-ways.

What to do? 

Remember, social media has the ability to connect, engage and encourage relationships. However, it is important to look at what our intentions are when engaging in social media and how we are portraying ourselves. 

We also should understand that the managed state of portrayal in social media is not necessarily a representation of authentic relationships. Authentic relationships include having honest interactions where we feel safe enough to share varying levels of vulnerability with the other. This means we do not feel we need to portray ourselves a certain way to feel accepted. Face-to-face interactions help us engage in authentic and non-superficial relationships. This is because face-to-face interactions help us learn social skills such as understanding non-verbal cues and emotional states, which help us connect. 

Authentic relationships are important for mental and physical health. We need to know we have supportive and mutual relationships with others with whom we can share our thoughts, feelings and beliefs with, without censorship. 

MOST IMPORTANTLY: ​We should also make sure we are actively engaging in relationships outside the screen. The more we can have relationships outside of social media the better. This does not mean we can’t have fun participating on social media. Using social media can be a great addition to your already established face-to-face connections. Meaning face-to-face relationships come first, and social media relationships come second!

Resources:  https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/06/business/facebook-bends-the-rules-of-audience-engagement-to-its-advantage.html?_r=0